How many X1/9s does it take to change a lightbulb? ( and other humorabilia )

Discussion in 'Discussion Forum' started by raillard, Jun 27, 2018.

  1. raillard

    raillard True Classic

    How many X1/9s does it take to change a lightbulb?

    One. You'll be happy to know it has plenty of bulbs that need changing once in a while. Please post pictures when you do.

    None! Let me tell you about my 100% LED conversion!!

    Three. One is my daily driver, and its bulbs pop pretty regularly. Then there's my rust-bucket parts car, which still has plenty of perfectly good bulbs, ready to harvest. They're cheaper than new Sylvania bulbs at AutoZone. Last, but not least, is my pristine, near-mint specimen, which still has the original Italian bulbs that Bertone put into the car when it was being built! No, sorry, you may not open the door for a closer look inside. Not even I open the doors, because the door bulbs must be preserved, too.

    Four! I just found another super-cheap X on craigslist, and it's really close by! The title says "salvage", but that's exactly what I hope to do with the bulbs!
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  2. raillard

    raillard True Classic

    Would like to open this thread up to other jokes, if you have something you want to share of a humorous bent, and the joke doesn't have another home on XWeb (plenty of humor, both intentional and unintentional, is lurking in the regular threads!)

    The jokes don't have to be related to X1/9's, unless a moderator appears and insists that each joke must contain at least one reference to an X1/9 or the whole thread will be moved to NFC, or maybe even to the virtual round-file in the cloud. Moving the thread into NFC seems likely and appropriate to me.

    Here are a couple of my favorite lightbulb jokes. The first one is from a Playboy magazine, of all places. It's not even risque -- just funny. And, in case you're wondering if I looked at Playboys mainly for the lovely ladies, or mainly for the jokes and comics, consider the fact that I don't remember who the Playmate of the Month was, but I still remember several of the really good jokes and comics.

    "How many country singers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
    "Five. One to change the bulb, and four to sing about the old one."

    Here's another lightbulb joke, especially poignant to someone working in my industry:

    "How many Microsoft programmers does it take to change a lightbulb?"
    "None. They just change the standard to darkness."
    Last edited: Jul 6, 2018
  3. Jefco

    Jefco Low Polar Moment

    Portland OR
    A Rabbi, a priest and an X1/9 walk into a bar...
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  4. Mechanogeek

    Mechanogeek True Classic

    Jacksonville, FL
    After the first one hit the bar, you would have thought that the other two were smart enough to duck!
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  5. raillard

    raillard True Classic

    The X1/9 must have already been drunk, if it was walking into the bar, instead of rolling into it.
  6. Pete Whitstone

    Pete Whitstone True Classic

    McKinney, TX
    Since we're piling on the bad jokes, I'll drag out my favorite Bosch one-liner (some Fiat content at least):

    The Motronic FI system was produced after the Larrytronic, but before the Curlytronic.

    Ba Doom Cha.
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  7. raillard

    raillard True Classic

    Here are two more funny ones from Playboy. The humor is again mature, in the good sense, instead of "adult" in the juvenile/adolescent/crude sense. These were one-panel comics, and I'm doing them from memory, so some of the details might not be an exact match. I hope my descriptions will do the jokes justice.

    Speaking of justice, the first comic shows a judge, in his black robe, sitting behind the judge's bench in the courtroom, his gavel laying nearby. He's holding a somewhat heavy book open, and reading from its pages. It's a Bible -- probably the one used to swear people to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help them God. The judge's words were in the caption below the comic: "'Judge not, that ye be not judged.' Who wrote this filth?"

    The second comic shows a man doing some yard work near a residential street. Another man has stopped his car nearby, and they're having a conversation though the car's open window. It's clear that the man in the car has asked a question, and we see the other man's reply in the caption below the comic: "Oh, you'll definitely want to go to Maxine's. It's on the corner of 9th and D. It's a house of ill repute with an excellent reputation!"

    If I've saved you from having to leaf through endless pages of luscious, mostly naked, airbrushed-to-perfection women, in search of a few good laughs, then I've done my job (but perhaps you'll wish I had not spared you so).
  8. raillard

    raillard True Classic

    Speaking of Motronic, Larrytronic, and Curlytronic, whenever my younger brother and I see a PepBoys we think of the PepBoy brothers: Larry, Curly, and Mo.
  9. raillard

    raillard True Classic

    Once in a while my brother Carl, and I, will take my '85 X for a small trip up north, and do a day-hike around Lake Sonoma, which is a man-made reservoir not too far away from our home. One of the approaches is a long road from Hwy 101 to the lake, and that road has quite a few wineries on it. One of them is named Yellow Dog Winery (their mascot is a Golden Retriever), and we always get a chuckle when one of us inevitably says, "Don't drink the yellow wine."

    Interesting side-note: one of our neighbors, across the street, used to operate one of the extremely large earth-movers needed to create the earth-dam that later formed Lake Sonoma. He's retired now, and in his back yard he showed us a spare tire from one of the earth-movers, which he kept as a memento -- it was huge! He also shared the fact that the work-site featured a sign that showed how many days had gone by without an accident, essentially congratulating the crew for not running over each other during the last ___ days. :cool::eek:
    Last edited: Jul 8, 2018
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  10. dragonsgate

    dragonsgate True Classic

    Pepboys; Manny, Moe and Jack. Sounds like it could have been a successful comedy team.

    Speaking of road signs, when traveling El Camino Real (101 highway) one of our points of reference was the Anderson's split pea sign. Memory says it was south of Solvang.

    I don't know many jokes that can be told in polite company but I do remember this old one.

    In the name of political correctness I will use the word dumb guy in place of the original character.

    This dumb guy bought a new PT Cruiser with the wood trim.

    First day of owning it he parked it in his driveway, got a hatchet and chopped all the wood off off the car.

    Later on as he was sitting in his living room his wife asked how he liked the new car.

    The dumb guy said " I think it looked better in the crate."
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  11. Dan Sarandrea (Phila)

    Dan Sarandrea (Phila) Waitin' On Parts...

    Philadelphia, PA
    The Pep Boys are Manny, Moe, and Jack. Originally a Philadelphia company:
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  12. raillard

    raillard True Classic

    Thank you both for the correction. My brothers and I already knew the real names of the Pep Boys, but being corrected twice makes me realize how important facts and truths are to XWeb members, and I think that's a healthy thing. I can sense that it's considered counter-productive, and contrary to the spirit of the forum, to spread misinformation, even if it just serves a lame joke. We meant no disrespect to Manny, Moe, and Jack. For all we know they might be the sweetest, greatest founders a company could possibly hope for. For all I know, some XWeb members or guests could know them personally, or remember them fondly, or work at PepBoys, and not like their company being made fun of. Our little attempt at humor was not so much a jab against the three men, but against the way they're marketed. There's three of them, and their simple, cartoony heads make them look a bit silly, a bit like the three stooges. One of them is named Moe, too. All we did was connect those few dots, and call ourselves brilliant. :D

    Thank you dragonsgate for tweaking your joke for Political Correctness, too. It's good to be mindful that XWeb is international, with a diverse audience, and it would be a sad thing if any XWeb members or guests were made to feel uncomfortable or unloved. I have self-edited my posts, elsewhere, when I realized that I was just poking fun at the computer-illiteracy of someone else. That's not even who I am professionally. One of my biggest strengths, as a freelance computer guru, is that I treat each of my clients with respect. They are human beings first and foremost, worthy of my respect. The fact that they might also be blithering computer idiots is of secondary importance, and actually helps keep me gainfully employed. (I would be more tactful in real life, too.)
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
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  13. Jefco

    Jefco Low Polar Moment

    Portland OR
    I remember coming across a Pep Boys book of matches that my dad had modified; he had cut 3 small holes near the bottom of the cover, aligned with the 3 heads, and put matches out thru the holes- when you opened and closed the cover, well, I'll leave it to your imagination what it looked like they were doing---
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  14. raillard

    raillard True Classic

    [Church Lady voice] "Well, isn't that special?" [/Church Lady voice] Churchlady02.jpg
    Last edited: Jul 9, 2018
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  15. Dan Sarandrea (Phila)

    Dan Sarandrea (Phila) Waitin' On Parts...

    Philadelphia, PA
    Oh, sorry, I thought you just had a momentary brain cramp :p and typed M-L-C when you were thinking of M-M-J.

    Didja know that Larry was from Philadelphia, too?
  16. raillard

    raillard True Classic

    The image below was partly inspired by recent thread titles and comments, and also by old memories of browsing Playboys (for the jokes and one-panel comics, of course). Earlier, when I saw Karl's unboxing photos of the rebuilt transmission he had just received from Steve, I mentioned that Karl's photos were "centerfold worthy". Now you'll see I wasn't kidding! I fired up Corel PhotoPaint and put together this parody magazine cover. It was more fun to do than hunting down a gremlin that keeps popping the dashboard illumination fuse in my '85 Bertone.

    In classic Playboy magazine fashion, most of the time I spent on the fake cover was spent airbrushing and softening imperfections on the subject, and also the background she's laying on. Stray bits of pink Styrofoam are now gone! As they should be, because we all know that, in an ideal world, pink Styrofoam would not shed tiny pink static-clinging pieces to blemish what would otherwise be a perfect representative of the fairer car-part. :D

    Interesting side-note: When I was boy, growing up in Illinois, one of my best friend's dad worked as a professional airbrush artist for Playboy magazine. I think he worked mostly from home. I know he had a studio at home, because his son bragged about what he could see there. Even though my friend was about the same age as me, I was too young and embarrassed to ask to see the father/artist at work, or his works in progress, or the results of his work. Later, when I took up airbrushing myself (the real type, not the computer type, which wasn't available until many years later), I genuinely regretted not availing myself of an opportunity to see a fellow artist practicing his craft, even if what he was working on would have made me blush back then.

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