9151
Pottsy
Q&A
Now that the sheets are bloody...
and the Windsors are off producing yet another generation of chinless banjo players, what do you predict for the May 5 referendum?
First pass the post. We like our politicians to be like our weather - unpredictable. It gives us something to gripe about in the pub whilst drinking our overpriced beer.
Also, a few basic British politics questions, if you would be so good:
1) What in the world is a LIB DEM? This sounds either redundant or wishy washy to the American ear. Please explain and/or defend such a label.
Liberal Democrats are the centre of the middle ground - neither fish nor fowl. They are as you describe - both wishy-washy and redundant c/w a large dollop of indecisive certainty.
2) Do you think that the fact AV has been used without bloodshed in Australia since 1918 is any sort of recommendation to the British. It is my understanding the Antipodes are populated entirely by criminals and people with eyes below their navels. Please provide examples of non-criminal Australians to bolster your defence of AV (Nicole Kidman does not count because she always marries men shorter than she).
I wouldn't presume to comment on our colonial ancestry. We attempted to civilise our erstwhile criminal classes by offering free portage to the excellent holiday camps in Botany Bay. Now we are hurt that they mistook our largesse and decided that they no longer wish to be part of our limp empire.
Only one Aussie springs to mind, Barry Humphries. His alter ego, Dame Eda Everage, sums up the male Australian perfectly.
3) Do all front benchers go to the same barber?
No. Only the same gents tailors, toilets and brothels.
4) My wife claims there are no 'grassy knolls' in the West End. I have taken the rule of thumb to the saucy wench but she perseveres in her claim. Please provide example(s) of GKs for my use in dousing her pretentions to intellectual equality ( she has just finished Three Guineas is in a foul, man-hating mood at present-it is I who is afraid of VW)
The distaff side are, by their very nature, argumentative, contrary and, occasionally, aggressive. Try to mention the Hyde Park, Regent's and others without crushing her new found joy in her imagined independance. Women are as fragrant orchids - to be handled with gentility and respect if one wishes to sample their scent and nectar.
Ms W was but an angry and waspish female who was unable to emulate the grosser arachnid and consume her suitor. Sleep with the light on for a while. I'll send you my cromed Remington 9 mil for a while until you stop wetting the bed.
May be best, on second thoughts, that you retire to the guest room and lock your door. Have the maid deliver your nightcap of warm Ovaltine via your back entrance.
5) Why does Scotland have both it's own Parliment and 59 seats at Westminster? Does England have 59 seats in the SP? Please explain this stupidity so even I can understand it.
The Scottish race is renowned for their native aggression, especially after quaffing vaste quantities of their national beverage. At any one parliamentary sitting, one half will be found battering seven colours of s***e out of the others. Cogniscent of this fact we English granted them extra rations so that enough SMPs would be compus mentis when their section bell rang.
6) What is with the huge number of MPs and Lords-like almost 1400 of them? We get by (if that is the right word) with a total of 435 Representatives and 100 Senators. Your "country" has only 68m "people" we have 305M or some damn thing. Please give reasons for this abomination against Nature.
We work on the principal that "When America sneezes, England catches cold". With our penchant for imitation and butt kissing everything American, it's only a matter of time before we start shooting our politicians. Hence the need for supplies-a-plenty.
7) How did you guys get away with being part of the EU but without the Euro? Jolly good move on your part by the way.
It takes years and years of duplicity, mendacious ordacity, subterfuge and bare faced guile. Not for nothing are we termed the 'Mother of all Parliaments'. We take our brightest and most gifted chinless wonders at 8 years old, stick them into creepy old dungeons, allow them to be badgered and bu***red by older boys until they're ready for Parliament.
With that sort of background we were able to control half of the known world. Europe? Pah!
Now that the sheets are bloody...
and the Windsors are off producing yet another generation of chinless banjo players, what do you predict for the May 5 referendum?
First pass the post. We like our politicians to be like our weather - unpredictable. It gives us something to gripe about in the pub whilst drinking our overpriced beer.
Also, a few basic British politics questions, if you would be so good:
1) What in the world is a LIB DEM? This sounds either redundant or wishy washy to the American ear. Please explain and/or defend such a label.
Liberal Democrats are the centre of the middle ground - neither fish nor fowl. They are as you describe - both wishy-washy and redundant c/w a large dollop of indecisive certainty.
2) Do you think that the fact AV has been used without bloodshed in Australia since 1918 is any sort of recommendation to the British. It is my understanding the Antipodes are populated entirely by criminals and people with eyes below their navels. Please provide examples of non-criminal Australians to bolster your defence of AV (Nicole Kidman does not count because she always marries men shorter than she).
I wouldn't presume to comment on our colonial ancestry. We attempted to civilise our erstwhile criminal classes by offering free portage to the excellent holiday camps in Botany Bay. Now we are hurt that they mistook our largesse and decided that they no longer wish to be part of our limp empire.
Only one Aussie springs to mind, Barry Humphries. His alter ego, Dame Eda Everage, sums up the male Australian perfectly.
3) Do all front benchers go to the same barber?
No. Only the same gents tailors, toilets and brothels.
4) My wife claims there are no 'grassy knolls' in the West End. I have taken the rule of thumb to the saucy wench but she perseveres in her claim. Please provide example(s) of GKs for my use in dousing her pretentions to intellectual equality ( she has just finished Three Guineas is in a foul, man-hating mood at present-it is I who is afraid of VW)
The distaff side are, by their very nature, argumentative, contrary and, occasionally, aggressive. Try to mention the Hyde Park, Regent's and others without crushing her new found joy in her imagined independance. Women are as fragrant orchids - to be handled with gentility and respect if one wishes to sample their scent and nectar.
Ms W was but an angry and waspish female who was unable to emulate the grosser arachnid and consume her suitor. Sleep with the light on for a while. I'll send you my cromed Remington 9 mil for a while until you stop wetting the bed.
May be best, on second thoughts, that you retire to the guest room and lock your door. Have the maid deliver your nightcap of warm Ovaltine via your back entrance.
5) Why does Scotland have both it's own Parliment and 59 seats at Westminster? Does England have 59 seats in the SP? Please explain this stupidity so even I can understand it.
The Scottish race is renowned for their native aggression, especially after quaffing vaste quantities of their national beverage. At any one parliamentary sitting, one half will be found battering seven colours of s***e out of the others. Cogniscent of this fact we English granted them extra rations so that enough SMPs would be compus mentis when their section bell rang.
6) What is with the huge number of MPs and Lords-like almost 1400 of them? We get by (if that is the right word) with a total of 435 Representatives and 100 Senators. Your "country" has only 68m "people" we have 305M or some damn thing. Please give reasons for this abomination against Nature.
We work on the principal that "When America sneezes, England catches cold". With our penchant for imitation and butt kissing everything American, it's only a matter of time before we start shooting our politicians. Hence the need for supplies-a-plenty.
7) How did you guys get away with being part of the EU but without the Euro? Jolly good move on your part by the way.
It takes years and years of duplicity, mendacious ordacity, subterfuge and bare faced guile. Not for nothing are we termed the 'Mother of all Parliaments'. We take our brightest and most gifted chinless wonders at 8 years old, stick them into creepy old dungeons, allow them to be badgered and bu***red by older boys until they're ready for Parliament.
With that sort of background we were able to control half of the known world. Europe? Pah!
mg:
